That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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