I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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