i already hear my dad disowning me
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
