I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
