Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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