put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Randomize
