i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
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It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
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We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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