Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
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