I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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