There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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