she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
