No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
