so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
