From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
