You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
