I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
