I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
