He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
