I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
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