By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
