Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
