nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
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