I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
