Rock
Scissors
Fuck
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
