Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
operation harelip BJ is a go
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Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
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He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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