no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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