thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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