Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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