So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
