tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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