fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
