so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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