He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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