I'm jealous of your bromance
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
