i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
