I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
