i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
