Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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