His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
