We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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