sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
