Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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