My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
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it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
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Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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