her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
stop calling my apartment porn island.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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