I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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