wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
