I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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