Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
