Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
My Higher Power is John Stamos
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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