i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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