I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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