He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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