he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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