I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Randomize
