i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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