wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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