My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Randomize
