fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
