i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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