What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
