The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
