saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
