When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
